Self-Loathing Is Quaint

Hexed Against Staff:

I'm legal now. Every year about this time I start wishing someone who was actually related to me would send a card or an owl. But they never do. Because they've never cared. How long until I get out of here? I don't feel any different, though, probably because we've still got classes. What's the point in being legal if you're at school? It's not like I've learned anything.

Which reminds me.

Kirby, you can let go of my hand.

Entire Post Including Comments Hexed Against Staff:

Question.

If you date someone for ten hours (really about twelve hours and forty-five minutes, give or take ten seconds), then take a break for about as long as it takes you to sleep, then date them for another ten hours... then another... and another... do you have to give them your cereal so they won't starve and die with the rest of the school?

Cereal doesn't cost that much money and it lasts all week, so I have no idea what to do with the extra money from the budget. What am I supposed to do with it? Can I spend it or do I have to spend it specifically on food?

Which reminds me. Hey, Mac, Kirby and I are best friends now. I forgot to mention it while the two of you were busy sitting on top of me. He's going to buy me a bracelet and everything. It's awesome.

Private to Morgan:

Remember the beginning of the summer when I said this was a one time thing? And those times afterward, where I kept doing it with him? Yeah...

End Private.

Last week, I shrank a bunch of clothes, turned some other clothes blue, and had to miss out on Hogsmeade because even now they haven't found a way to make your clothes just wash themselves whenever they get dirty.

This week, I looked at real estate. Which is completely unnecessary because I'm not staying here when I graduate. I don't know where I'm going, but it's not here. I was thinking I might not even stay in Europe at all, I might go to the exact furthest point from here and just work my way back. Maybe. If I come back at all. What's the point?

I'm still dreading when they teach us how to cook. I don't think the lesson will focus on pouring the milk into the bowl and consuming the contents with a spoon.

I've said this every year, but... I'm Head Boy now. Which means, I'm in charge of making sure none of you do anything insane or in any way unsavory while we have a giant castle with tons of rooms, some of which change locations, to ourselves. If I catch you, I will take House points. If you persist, I will give you detention. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I don't want to wield this power, but if you make me, I will have no choice.

I especially have my eye on:

Sparkplug McCormack
Katie Abercrombie
Morgan Coote
Bartleby Kirke
Oliver Wood Jr.
...hell, all of Gryffindor House except Stebbins
Sparkplug McCormack
Xavier Bletchley
Badger Bradley

Troublemakers, the lot of you. I'm watching you like a hawk. Nah, not really, I don't particularly give a shite what you do so long as I don't see it Be afraid.

Hexed private to members of group four:
Hm. Er. I don't really talk to most of you, but I am technically required to want to try and get on with all of you, so. Er. What's... what's new? Any, uh, questions? Let's... bond or something.
End Private.

My grandparents found out I made Head Boy today. When my grandmother stepped on my badge.

She says I shouldn't have left it on the carpet where I was lying down reading Hogwarts, A History and eating a cauldron cake. How could I have been so stupid? And then she picked it up and read it and said, "Oh! How... nice."

And my grandfather's reaction was something along the lines of, "You smell like smoke. What have you been doing and could you do it somewhere else?"

How many days until we get back to school again? I'm going to need one of you with more sense in your head than an old biddy to fix my badge for me on the train. More importantly, how many days until graduation? I cannot wait to get the hell out of here.

Fifteen days until we go back to school.

I picked up my books and I've got to say, Advanced Muggle History: Why They Kill Each Other by Normand Sprouse is fascinating. Even if you're not taking Muggle Studies next year, you should give it a read. It's interesting, but also hilarious.

Yui, thanks for chasing the nightmares away the other night. You are very warm and soft and smell so and way too good to me. D'you maybe wanna

Okay, I officially need to get really, really drunk really, really soon. Has anyone done the responsible thing and started planning an "annoyingly early end of summer bash" yet? I need to get this out of my system before I have to give up all my wild ways and start being, y'know, Head Boy.

So Kirke Kirby and I are dating now.

I know. I'm shocked, too. But also thrilled.

I made Head Boy.

Hexed private to students:

Here is a comprehensive list of all the things I can no longer be seen around, with, or in relation to:

Alcohol
Shagging
Drugs
Bartleby Kirke
Xavier Bletchley
Bartleby Kirke again
Gambling
Mudwrestling
Nudity

Or any combination thereof. Thank you for your time.

End Hex.

I've fucked up a lot of things this week. I'm sorry. This is why I don't

Hexed very private to Morgan:
How long have you known that Yuina is out of her fucking mind? I know you knew about this.
End Hex.

At this point, I'm really glad we're going back to school early. I need something to do that isn't wandering around my house wondering if my grandparents are busy or have finally moved out without telling me. If that something is being back at Hogwarts, well, that's not so bad.

Does anyone have use for a brand new mirror? Because I don't and am giving it away, but thank you Spark.

I just remembered that today was is my mum's birthday. I think she would be in her forties now. Happy birthday, mum, wherever you are.

Yui's forced me into going to this ridiculous carnival at Hogsmeade. I'm a bit curious to have my future seen, I'll admit. Divination's rather fascinating even though I was crap at it. My inner eye was apparently just that organ busy sending visual signals to my brain and not an otherworldly means of seeing beyond what can be seen. Or whatever Professor Moonshine was on about. Either way, it will be an interesting experiment that might make the whole carnival worth it.

Or a giant waste of my time. Divination's a bit of a hit or miss.

Then again, that could accurately describe the present.

I need another pack. I'm down to my last spliff and I don't think we have any left in the house. My grandparents won't be back until later, not that I plan to be around then, so I'm running out of things to do. Not all of us can go dashing off to America for some jolly good fun like Spark. Some of us have to stay in England and make due with what we've got. Or haven't got, in my case.

I'd say this was a subtle hint to my friends out there, but there was nothing subtle about it. Have some mercy and don't make me have to move.

Is there some unofficial rule stating that summer must be the season of hookups?

Considering all that's been going on, it seems likely. I just wanted to ask and make sure before everyone stops pairing off and I'm left at home with my books again. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing I suppose, except for how I hate being at home, but still. I think you need a partner to get on Noah's ark and all the girls seem to be doing a role call of who marches on with who.

Well, all the girls and those two Ravenclaw blokes so, yes, all the girls. Am I required to make one, too?

LATER:

That was exhilarating.

Spencer Nott
Sparkplug McCormack
Morgan Coote
Xavier Bletchley
Nadine Zabini
Rhys Stebbins
Izzy Finnigan
Oliver Wood Jr.
Avi Goldstein
Laurel Corner
Zephyr Pulaski
Merle Sloper
Evan Chambers
Ryan Flint
Bartleby Kirke

( 'Self-loathing is quaint,' you told me, showing restraint. Now you're gone and I'm lost, in the swells I am tossed - bobbing and choking and losing the fight in the fog. You said, 'Forever...' Tell me, why can't you stay? Drunk since Saturday, without you, without restraint. It still stings where you stung. Water swings in my lungs. I'm starving for words that would ration my sadness away. Tell me, 'Forever...' Tell me you'll come back to stay. You were the mermaid for me 'til one day you found your feet, leaving me in this god-awful bottle, a model of heartache and grief. )

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